The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
