It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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