Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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