Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
