White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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