You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
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