If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
