i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
