Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Hippo gnu deer
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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