sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
