Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
