Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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