Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
