yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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