Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
