YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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