great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
