so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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