Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
