I want to walk on stilts...naked
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
