Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
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