hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Blood and glitter go together right?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
