I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
