This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
