i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
