What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
