I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
you never un-have a 4some
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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