Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize