i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
