Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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