can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
