I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize