Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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