Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
