hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
