YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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