I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize