Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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