Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
