he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
