I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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