More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
