I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
