Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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