Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
