she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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