worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
