Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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