sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize