you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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