I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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