First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
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