Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
