Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
