508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
jump out the window naked night went bad
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
