I think im going to throw up on grandma
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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