i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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