paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
