I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize