he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
