I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
