she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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