Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
