Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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